SINCE WE LAST SAW OUR HEROES (Update):
--Filmed 7 episodes, one with an LA crew, which was literally Alex Spieth being like, “Wut is a grip?” (still unclear to me, but there was a dude who was like, “That’s me!”)—LEARN BY DOING, LADIES, LEARN BY DOING~~!!~~
--Edited 2 Episodes, Picture Locked 4 Episodes
--Realized Coloring was important, and was like: OOPS. Gotta figure that out. Gotta find a...colorist....ASAP....
--Drove Upstate (New York) in a snowstorm to film an episode with blood
--Had a wrap party where a Famous Musical Theatre Writer showed up and I was like, but….who are you?
I’m about to embark on the final Post Prod work, and by that I mean largely being like “You good? You good?” to all members of the Post Team. This is the step where creator/ writer can swiftly turn into Mother, which is to say: Annoying.
^^^The most crushing word that can be told to a female trying to make something. I would prefer to be ruthless, bitchy, lazy, rude, intense, aggressive, and stupid. I would far prefer to lack clarity and have no new ideas. I would rather be seen as scary and insane. I would rather be the nutso-genius who left your love confused and alone than the person who stuck around too long. And what a tragedy to discover that tonight it’s me alone at this Christmas Party waiting for the host to kick me out.
(BUT! BUT! BUT! How does anything get done without calling to find out if Baby made it safely to YouTube? Can you get my video to shoot me a quick text when they render safely? Dear Drive with Precious Footage, I’ll always love you even if I have to pick you up at a bar tonight ‘cause no one could find a better meeting spot. I’m not gonna judge you for whatever state you’re in. I’ll come get you wherever you are.)
My first year in NYC, I was barfing before every audition. There I was at 38th and 8th feeling ready in a sweater vest (because I know and have ALWAYS known that "sex sells"), barfing in front of a midtown bodega. I would barf in bathrooms at Ripley-Grier. I barfed in a tree at the 110 stop. After my acting agency dropped me, I was unable to not cry in meetings. I broke down in front of agents and managers and former teachers. Behold: The Disgraced! Behold: The Failure! I traded barfing for crying and traded them both in for the series.
Having to be in charge (and being older) has taught me to be less emotional. I have to care less because I need to get more done. I have only yelled once in the two years and I’ve only cried once (although that was like 3 weeks ago, so like, who’s laughing now? Who’s laughing now?). However, the thing that’s hardest is the fear that I am just irritating everyone.
I often ask men if they worry about being found annoying. No one has given me a straight answer, and this is something that merits a case study. What are the folks at Johns Hopkins DOING, ANYWAY? My sense is that men don’t worry about it the way women do. The fear of being a nag will take me from correcting takes or adjusting people. In a way it’s a good thing, because it keeps me from sending as many emails as my true soul would ultimately desire, but more of the time I think it’s a drag. Luckily, I have assembled the steps to not worry about that sort of vampire, in these easy steps!!!
STEPS TO NOT BEING AFRAID OF BEING ANNOYING:
--MENTAL: You should be annoying! Being annoying means you are going to get the fucker done on time.
--RESPOND: On set, if people are like, ‘You're stressing me out!,’ go on a coffee run and let everyone get over themselves.
--VISUALIZE: People who are legitimately horrible who work all the time and no one gives a shit.
--RESPOND: On set, if folks are like, ‘You're stressing me out!,’ go eat a Subway Sandwich and wait for them to get over themselves.
--UNDERSTAND: That everyone is doing their best, and try to do your best to put yourself in other people’s shoes. Don’t try to overwhelm, and simultaneously underline the absolutely necessary points.
--ACT: Stay the course with honesty, vigor, aggression, and belief that everyone is showing up to do their best.
At the end of the day, there will always be a level of irritation in creating work and making the work that we all want to curate. My PM (the best soul in the USA) is quick to assure me that, “You’re not as intrusive as you think you are.” When asked, "Is it helpful or annoying if I'm here for this conversation?” two male collaborators answered, "You are never annoying." My best advice is to fight the great fight and continue to press gently and assert even if you fear being labeled the ugly word.
When I was 16 at the Nashville Shakespeare Festival, I had a crush on the other comedic sub-character in the show, and I made him run lines every day before we did the show. To my chagrin, one of my friends told me that in contrast to liking me he found me ANNOYING. I was crushed and sad that anyone could think that of me (as I was great, even when I was CERTAINLY A VIRGIN). However, I still made the dude run lines with me every day because being good > fear of what people think of you.
And I would write that shit on a wall.